The latest broadcast from the Nailagtor has shaken up the planet fairly and not quite politely.
“Those tiny, pale squares on your fingers require timely attention. Please, DO NOT ignore them.”
This message had the following effects on a room full of men: furtive glances, embarrassed smiles, fake coughs (a couple of those), sweaty brows and a very defensive body language to round up the guilt trip.
It’s time to break some myths fellas and it ain’t going to be pretty. First up, listen to the Nailagator. I know a lot of us think it is very Barbie to treat our nails right, but we are further away from the truth than we’d like to admit. Secondly, basic hygiene includes your nails. So if you come up with an excuse to not keep them handsome, you’re going to fall hard. And thirdly, you don’t have to be a princess to have your nails clean on point. You can do it fairly fast and happy.
- The very first step in your nail care guide is to rid your nails of grime and dirt stuck to the innards. Heat water in a large bowl to a tolerable temperature and add a teaspoon of bleach. Soak your hands for around 5-10 minutes. Bleach ensures that any dirt lurking in the unlikeliest corners of your nails is swatted out proficiently.
- Next up, is cuticle handling. This essentially is the most crucial step of the process since it demands very gentle handling. Prop up your cuticle pusher and gently clean the line that joins your nail to your skin. It will scrape off dry and damaged skin too. Keep it uniform, neat and rounded, just like the shape of your nails. (Or square, in case your nails are square shaped.) Make sure to do it very slowly and super carefully since you don’t want to weep over cutover cuticle disaster.
- Most cuticle pushers come armed with a second tip. This tip is useful for cleaning your nail bed area where dirt residues may still be lurking. Use this gently to score out any remaining buggers.
- Now, it’s the time to trim. Guys, please do not go overboard by cutting your nails so short that they border on invisible. Trim them enough to have them look neat and clean.
- Get your filer on board. File your nails with constraint. You don’t want your already trimmed nails to become too tiny. As they say, that one extra stroke could probably spoil the entire painting.
- In case of dry, brittle nails, do not be ashamed to invest in a good hand cream or cuticle cream. These allow your nails to breathe better, keeps them moisturized and heals skin tissues around your cuticles. (Thank us later.)
- Note: Toe nails are areas where all the unpopular bacteria build homes. Flip flops maybe your best mates, but for the welfare of your nail nation, kindly put on some socks whenever you wear shoes.
- Ethics of Nail Care: Do not traumatise any other human with the cleaning and tidying up of your toe nails or nails, for that matter. Be a gentleman and do it yourself.
- If you do not like an audience while you are taking care of your pinkies, make sure you do it when you are home alone. For the sanity of the world, it is the best to take care of your nails on your own. (We cannot stress that point enough.)
- Lastly, do not act squeamish to spare 20-25 minutes every week to save your nails from ignominious etiquette moments. Remember, a lady might still love you with a stubble but she will surely not love you for uncouth nails.
To all those men who still think it is uncool to have your nails sorted, here’s some advice: Handshakes and high fives are appreciated only when your nails represent human species standards.